Much better! Indeed, I'd say this is much closer to a narrator's delivery (referencing Sir David Attenborough) I had in mind. :) Thank you for your time and energy in making this. You will undoubtably see that reference as you work through this industry - "Nature Documentary" "Sir David Attenborough". While your 2nd take wasn't PERFECT (and it won't be, unless you are Sir David Attenborough), you're on your way to creating your own unique "Nature Documentary" style that reminds people of Sir David Attenborough, but distinctly different because you've placed your own personality into it. Well done. ------- As for the bakery line, thanks for including it. I'll leave another feedback here (you don't have to re-do it again). If you actually take a look at the manga (I've posted the link on the casting page), you'll see that the CONTEXT in which this line is being delivered is different than what you recorded. In the story, a customer has walked in, bought something, and is in the process of exiting the shop. You, the worker, is saying this line to the customer's back as he is walking out of the shop. Now, would you really say it this way? --- Keep in mind the DISTANCE between your character and the person/thing you're talking to. Depending on how close or far, your tone should change, yes? Also the pacing and the energy should change depending on where the customer is standing - the distance between you. Go take a look at the manga. Keeping this in mind for your future auditions will give you that slight edge that shows the casting director that you've taken the time to analyze the CONTEXT of the scene before recording. This, often times, is the difference between booking the gig or not. There are a lot of voice actors, right? You (and me) need all the edges we can get. --- I hope this is helpful, too. Good luck!