Scarlet Row Abridged (A Saints Row Parody Series)
Cosmic Comfort for Carlos Mendoza
Carlos is an inmate at the Stilwater Penitentiary. He had a brother who was a member of the Saints and who told him about the boss, who had been blown up, put into a coma, and remained in the Penitentiary Hospital Ward for five years. After hearing that the boss has awoken, he gets himself stabbed on purpose and taken into the infirmary. After an exchange of words, he convinces her to escape with him. They break out of the infirmary after killing the doctor and the guards who stood in their way, and then escape the prison island on a boat. After their escape, she chooses to recruit Carlos as a lieutenant.
Look, I know you think you’re a badass, but do you even know where you’re at? Without me you’ll be wandering around the prison for hours. Even if you manage to hide from the guards that long, and if you actually figure out how to make it outside these walls, you’re just gonna find out that you’re sitting on a goddamn island. And I’m pretty sure you can’t out swim the coast guard.
After Hughes was killed in that bombing of yours, Ultor picked up the pieces. Now they’re everywhere… on TV, on billboards, in stores… Hell, if you ever forget who Ultor is, just look towards Saints Row and you’ll see that fuckin’ eye sore.
Look, I know you didn’t ask for it, but my advice is to just keep your head down. The cops are looking for you, and a lots changed, I say ya go buy a beer and soak up as much information as you can.
Hey man. Sorry it's taken so long to get in touch. Do you have a Discord where we can chat about your audition?
Yes, TechnoWeirdo#8893