I feel like you're really holding back in terms of volume and emotion. It sounds more like she's perpetually stuck in a daydream as opposed to being in a terrifying situation with complete strangers. Try playing around with volume and dynamics.
I can't scream too loud since I live with other people and I was doing these really early in the morning. If it's the freak out line you're worried about I can't really get too much louder, but I can change other lines up.
i agree with Luna, your voice is there your emotion is where its lacking. she sounds really bored, tired, like she's not all the way there and it doesn't really sound like she's feeling anything at all. im also sorry to say that if you aren't able to scream a lot i dont think this project will really be in your favor ;v;
I redid the audition with a scream kekeke, I'd just need to record at very specific times.