I can handle it, I’m not senile and smearing shit on the walls yet. But seriously? Is it a girl? Is it a date? Because if so you’re going to want to change your shirt.

You know what - I don’t want to go to bingo tonight. I’m pretty sure Teresa cheated last week so I’d rather not deal with her bitch-ass. You go out. Have fun. Stay out as long as you want, but be home by midnight.

*Still asleep* You can take that blue ribbon and shove it up your ass, Paris Hilton. My peach cobbler would make Gordon Ramsay weep.