There's a man in the woods re-dubbed

"There's a man in the woods". What a spectacle. Before the stories started, this school was still respectable. My students used to skip down the hill to the honeysuckle Pluck a couple, And collect their nectar till they picked their fill. Except one obnoxious kid, Sid. Who just watched them eat the flowers While he seethed and scowled Cause he couldn't bear to share his sweet treats throught out our recess hour. I remember Sid saying: "There's a man in the woods!" That's how the rumors began. Of course, Sid had spotted him first. The poor kids. He got ‘em immersed in his spiel About a serial killer whose gun barrel glint hint said peril. A visit to the nurse, or worse, a hearse, Waiting just beyond the dale(dell).

The children saw him everywhere... "Look! over there!" "that man had batman ears! w-we swear!" "and crazy yellow eyes!" "we saw something rusty, his shot gun? m-must be!" "I saw a lady's severed thigh!" Trust me, Every word I heard was absurd. Yet each day, Sid would stray down Way past the playground. Who else was brave enough to save us from the killer’s next plot? The rest of the lot would stop back at the black top, Sure that any closer they were bound to be found Deep in the woods, left to rot. I pleaded for the kids to think, And learn to be mature, But after a few more rumors doomed my attempts to prove The school was secure: Their fear was undeterred. And when the buses drove them all home, The parents finally heard. Everything just blew up. I received a wall Of emails and calls Full of shrieks, wails, and all, From terrified families Who’d heard word of the murderer, And didn’t like my lack of action at all. What was I supposed to do? Comb the whole forest? Yeah, right. Would you? That means I didn’t care? That’s not fair! The stories that worried you weren’t true. Of course I would feel regret, Had there been a real threat And I ignored it, And some poor kid got kidnapped While the kids were napping. But you couldn’t admit that your Good little kid Would formulate a fib So you ignored what I said. Your little angels could never cook up such incredible creations? "An overactive imagination, maybe, but my kid could never lie!" How dare I. Accuse a child of being dishonest? Just monstrous!

The parents were displeased, And when the PTA took action, they dismissed me from the classroom. Like THEY knew what was best for their kids! Do you know how difficult it is to get a job When a bitter mom Slanders your rep With child neglect From the outset? NOW who’s in control of your classes?! Single file lines! Single file lines. Little vile swine, A killer by the pines, Really? Are you blind? Will you find your spines? Sid. A child decides To fill our minds with lies And the next you see Is people treating me Like I’ve committed crimes. I WAS IN MY PRIME! Those kids were lucky to have me. DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU DID?! But I can play along. I can be good. Do you hear that, Sid? There’s a man in the woods.