The Cool War SCP Audio Drama Adaptation

Some lines from the role “Pico,” a character who is extremely insane for most of the story, would require you to sound extremely unhinged for most of the time:

"Snip snip. Snip snip snip."

" Ha ha ha. Ha." 

" HA. HA HA." 

" You are beautiful, my dear." 

" More beautiful in death than in life. The juxtaposition of the dead and the living. The absurdity of the fingers up your nose; meaningless, indeed, considering your body is no longer a booger factory; what are you trying to get out of there? Is it the maggots? Is it your brain? You’re searching in all the wrong places, my dear." 

" You consider yourself ugly. Let me help you see inside yourself. Beyond the skin-deep reflection of what we are, deeper than that, swallow your eyes and look inside yourself. Swallow your eyes. Ha. Ha ha ha." 

" Silly lady. That medicine wasn’t chewable." 

----

Some lines from the role “Nobody,” a man with a voice on the deeper side who is secretly the leader of almost every major group of interest in the SCP Foundation universe, including the SCP Foundation itself, tends to be very cold but eventually breaks down, would require you to change your voice a tad bit to act as the different roles he fulfills in-universe: 

"I think ‘Sir’ will suffice." 

"All I’m hearing is the incoherent rambling of a madman." 

"And what if I sit here and do nothing?" 

[With genuine remorse] "Redd… that was years ago. Long before I found the hat. You mean he actually… oh. Oh, I am so, so sorry. He wasn’t meant to leave. He wasn’t ready. I made a mistake. I’m so sorry." 

—-

Some lines from the role “Mister Redd,” like the insanity of Pico quadrupled, just an insane shambling mess of a man (these lines are from a monologue he does in the story, it’s a very difficult role but a very fun one if you can manage it):

"Is he willing to stop me, but not able?

Then he is not omnipotent.

Is he able, but not willing?

Then he is malevolent.

Is he both able and willing?

Then why am I still alive?

Is he neither able nor willing?

Then why call him God?" 

"#FF0000

Six hundred and twenty.

Seven hundred and forty.

Between these lies eternity.

All returns to me" 

"I don't work the same as other people.

You look inside me and I've got the same blood and guts and so on and so forth.

But there's just something about my brain." 

"It's been twisted, you understand, twisted by a man who thought it would be fun.

Or perhaps not.

Perhaps he kept me the same and twisted the world.

Or perhaps not." 

—-

Some lines from the role “Joey Tamlin,” an artist who makes weird stuff for the sake of creation because he enjoys it (these lines are from kind of a ramble/rant he goes on):

"Well, I was making a sandwich, right, and you know how I get about my sandwiches, triple-decker, Colby cheese squares, sliced ham, gluten-free white bread, because of the allergies, right?" 

"Right. So, I go to the kitchen, and all we’ve got is shredded cheddar, since Molly – you know I’m living with Molly now, right – Molly got up in the middle of night and just ate the whole damn block of cheese raw, even though it was my cheese, and she knows how I get about my sandwiches, so I was kind of pissed off, right?"  

"Right, cheesed, nice, whatever. Anyway, I’m sitting here, and my bread’s still toasting, since you know I like to toast it a little bit, make it a little crunchy, right, and I look in the fridge and all we’ve got is shredded cheddar. So I think, sure, what the hell, toast’s already in the toaster, so I put down the cheddar ready to go. I pull out the ham then, right, and you know how we buy the stuff full leg at a time, because it’s crazy cheap like that, right?" 

----

Some lines from the role “The Sculptor,” an antagonistic character who spends most of the story being very angry:

"Just sculpt our own artists to take their places, claiming themselves to be the original creators! The real ones won’t know what to do!" 

"No. Nononono. That was metal as fuck, man. Shit." 

"So, Robbo’s out doing his thing, Snipper’s dumped his corpses here and fucked off, Sam’s given me a tape so he doesn’t even need to be here, I’ve got my van filled up with a few doppelgangers, and you’re… what?" 

"At least you fuckers know how to follow directions. Get out, go that way, find the person who looks like you, claim you’re the original and then beat the shit out of them. Got it?"