Teemo Rat God (Rap) - League of Legends parody

All of the lines to be rapped are in blue:




Look, I was gonna go easy on you not to hurt your feelings

Look, I was gonna go easy on you and not wreck your promos

But I'm only going to get this one chance

But I'm only going to get this one chance

Something's wrong, I can feel it

Someone’s Bronze, I can feel it

Just a feeling I've got

Just a feeling I’ve got

Like something's about to happen

Like this game’ll be a fiesta

But I don't know what

And *you* main top

If that means what I think it means, we're in trouble

If that means you’re against me, you’re in trouble

Big trouble

Big trouble

And if he's as bananas as you say

And if you think top’s for tanks

I'm not taking any chances

I’m not going easy on you

You were just what the doctor ordered

I was just what E-LO Hell summoned     (ELO is pronounced e-low)

I'm beginning to feel like a Rap God, Rap God

I'm beginning to feel like a Rat God, Rat God

All my peo    ple      from the front to the back nod, back nod

All my team mates from the front to the back nod, back nod

Now who thinks their arms are   long enough to slap  box,     slap box?

Now who thinks their E-       LO's  high enough to trap dodge, trap dodge?    (ELO is pronounced e-low)

They said I rap      like a ro-     bot,  so call me rap-bot

They said I blast    en-e-my    tops, so call me Rat Bomb

But for me to rap           like   a        com-   pu-     ter          must be in my  genes

But for me to turn          all your teams toxic                     must be in my code

I got a lap             top     in my back pocket

I got a glo- bal    taunt in my back pocket

My pen    'll     go     off          when    I         half-  cock   it

       Dart            flies fast.          If         you    catch, block it 

Got       a     fat     knot    from   that    rap           profit

Burn            still    ticks    like       it's     af- ter     shockin'

Made a      living        and    a   killing      off it

Pen-   ta     Killing's     just         how I      profit

Ever         since Bill        Clinton       was       still    in  office

Every       scoreboard    you see                  now   I    top it  

With         Mo-    ni   -ca           Lew-in-ski           feeling         on his   nutsack

Though     your  jun-gle-        -er          is           camping      on this  backpack

I'm an MC      still       as honest

It's still E-Z      game     I   got this 

But as  rude     and as in-     decent       as all hell

Just a cute       cud-dle-y      Yor-dle,      immortal

Syll-      a-     bles,     skill-  a-    holic (Kill 'em all with)

Whose lore tells      skill   neu-rotic (Kill ‘em all with)

This flippity,   dippity,   hippity     hip          hop

This slippery, swiggity,  swaggity shroom hop

You don't really wanna get into a pissing match with this rappity-rap

You don't really wanna get into a poking match with this rackety rat

Packing a mack   in the back of the Ac

Cracking a laugh as he backs on your ash 

backpack   rap, crap,    yap-yap, yackety-yack

-es, then    cashes         fat, fat    stackidy-stacks

and at the exact same time

and at the exact same time 

I attempt these lyr-   i-cal      acrobat        stunts while I'm practicing that

I attempt these next level     Challenger   strats while I'm practicing that

I'll still be able to break       a     mother-   fuckin'                              table

I’ll still be able to make         all this poison so                          fatal

Over     the back      of a                    couple of              faggots          and crack it        in half

I’ll be    fracking,                                            un-         packing,                ransacking      this  map

Only realized it was ironic I      was    signed   to     Af-    termath   after the fact

Only realized it was ironic my name rhymed right with Chemo      after the fact

How could I        not blow?         All I do is drop "F" bombs

How could you not throw?       All you do is get styled on

          Feel   my      wrath     of         at-           tack

I’ll      bring the     Ham-      ster      Dance      back

Rappers      are having a rough time period?     Here's     a   Maxi-Pad

No chance to 1v1 me in lane? Then get babysat

It's actually disastrously bad

It's actually disastrously sad

For the wack     while  I'm             master-   fully          constructing    this          masterpiece      yeah

All the flack    *I*   catch   in pregame                        yet I  still  straight   mastered my class     ‘cause
 

I'm beginning to feel like a Rap God, Rap God

I'm beginning to feel like a Rat God, Rat God

All my peo    ple      from the front to the back nod, back nod

All my team mates from the front to the back nod, back nod

Now who thinks their arms are   long enough to slap  box,     slap box?

Now who thinks their E-       LO's  high enough to trap dodge, trap dodge?

Let me show you maintaining this shit    ain't that hard, that hard

Let me show you maintaining this score ain't that hard, that hard

Everybody want the key        and the   secret     to rap         im-  mor-tal-    i-ty               like I have got

Everybody wants to know     how to   get row by row        solo pro- mos            like I have got 

Well, to be truthful             the blueprint's

Well, to be candid     if        your plan is-

Simply rage      and youthful      exuberance

not simply       "pick Teemo        or ban it" 

Everybody loves to root        for a            nuisance

Everybody on your team       might as     well RIP 

Hit the earth    like an asteroid       and did nothing               but shoot for       the moon since (PPEEYOOM)

Hit the Rift       like a    fireball         and my flames all            have only             been fanned since (FWOOM)

MC's           get ta-        ken to school            with this music

Top lanes   have a      short lifespan            when they're stranded

'Cause I use         it              as a        ve-  hi-  cle             to 'bus the rhyme'

In my land,           cause      every    step for them        it's “FOUND A MINE!”

Now I lead a New                           School full of                        students

Guess you failed to                        scan for this                            bandit

Me?  I'm     a        product      of     Rakim

Me?  I'm    the     mascot      of      Ri-ot

Lakim                               Shabazz,              2-Pac,        N-

12 skins       'cause         they know         fans buy      it

W-                    A., Cube,                hey,      Doc, Ren

Soon-as-I        was born                 I            smited

Ye-   lla, Ea-        zy,             thank you,              they got Slim

               E-ven   though      I   take                     ignite. It’s

Inspired    enough           to one day grow up,  blow up       and be in     a             po-   si-     tion

In my D-   N-  A                to all day queue up,  hue up,         and               get           landslide wins

To meet Run-     D.M.C.          and       induct them

No one left         on the Rift                 denies it

In-  to the             motherfuckin'               Rock n'

      Yet you           dare to test me?          Try it!

           Roll          Hall of Fame        even though      I walk      in the     church    and burst in a     ball of flames

You'll just          come at me      with your   slow-  mo  a-      ttack       speed      and feed  me        endless kills

Only Hall of Fame            I'll       be      inducted    in                is     the      al-       co-      hol       of   fame

And I’m sorry to               burst your   HexDrinker                 but     I     think    you     lack     in     skill

On           the wall         of shame

You're     go-ing            downhill

You fags think          it's    all       a        game

My poi-   son          will    make you    ill

'Til I walk a flock of flames

So it’s time to write your will

             Off a                  plank and

But       I'm not    a         villain

Tell me         what in               the fuck          are you               thinking?

Trust me,     your death          is    a                   mercy                killin’

Little       gay-looking         boy

Scrub    Bronze melee    tank

So gay        I can barely say it             with a 'straight' face          -looking boy

So Bronze I can barely slay you         with a straight face            -melee tank

You're witnessing a      mass-occur       like you're watching a        church  gathering take place looking boy

You're witnessing your massacre         like you're watching your   own       funeral     take place, melee tank

“Oy vey,        that      boy's    gay!”                That's all they say looking boy

"Can you       camp     my      lane?"              That's all you say, melee tank

You get a           thumbs up,                 pat on the back,

     2  v   1                   all day,                 play the blame game,

And  a       "way to    go"             from your              la            -bel     ev-           ry          day                 looking boy

  feed all the same,                bring      your   whole      team    shame,           melee tank

Hey, looking boy, what you say, looking boy?

Hey, melee tank, what you say, melee tank?

I get a          "hell yeah"                     from Dre               looking boy

Another       penta                 in         your face,              melee tank

I'mma work for everything I have

I'mma work for every kill I have

Never asked nobody for shit

Never ask nobody for ganks, 

Git   outta     my face looking boy

Stay outta    my lane melee tank

Basically, boy, you're never gonna be capable

Basically, tank, you're never gonna be capable

of keeping up with the same pace, looking boy, 'cause

of keeping up with the same pace, melee tank, 'cause

I'm beginning to feel like a Rap God, Rap God

I'm beginning to feel like a Rat God, Rat God

All my people from the front to the back nod, back nod

All my teammates from the front to the back nod, back nod

The way I blast    en-e-my     tops, just call me Rat Bomb, Rat Bomb

My queue's about to pop, so I'll rap the fast part, fast part

Uh,         summa           lumma          dooma        lumma           you   assuming         I'm     a     human

Ahh,        shrooma-        booma         dooma       vrooma         you   are fuming      while I'm hueing

What I gotta do to get it through to you       I'm superhuman

What I gotta do to get it through to you       I'm your undoin’

Innovative      and       I'm      made      of      rubber,          so that          any-thing         you say           is

Predatory       but         I          look        like     prey   so         anytime        I      go       to play           my

Ri-       co-   chet           in       off         a   me    and            it'll   glue                 to you

spread of   death        is        straight a-way    and               I go zoomin’           through ya

I'm devastating                   more than ever            demonstrating

I'm murderously,                more than ever            mercilessly

How to give a motherfuckin'              audience a feeling                 like         it's levita-    ting

Stalking you invisibly and                    killing freely til my               score's     impervious, see

Never fading,                           and I know that haters  are                      forever waiting

Lurking, smirking                     as     I do      my dirty      work,                 so courteously

For the day         that they can say              I fell off,  they'll be               celebra                           ting

Carrying              these victories                   by blowing up and               bursting teams 

'Cause I know           the way to               get 'em            moti-         vated

 'Cause I play             to get my               deva-               station        surging

I make             elevating                  music

I’ll emerge          as the    king

You make            el-   e-      va-       tor mu     sic

You’ll purge in the ring!

 

"Oh, he's too mainstream."

"Oh, he's too squishy."

Well,      that's        what      they              do                 When       they    get    jea-    lous,  they con-     fuse it

I             guess           that's    one way      to                                   tell     the    world that   you were     boosted;

"It's not                     hip hop,                 it's pop."

"Don't pick               Tee-mo,                 I'll dodge"

'Cause I found a                      hella                   way to          fuse it

And you wonder                     why you             keep on        losin’

With     rock,                   shock               rap with Doc

Smash, taunt,                 scoff,               then pop off

Throw on "Lose               Yourself"              and make           'em          lose it

In your lane                      I'm not                 drivin'                  I'm            cruisin'

“I don't know how to         make songs                like that”

"I don't know how to         ca-rry                          like that"

“I don't know what words    to use”

"I don't know what build      to use"

Let me know          when        it           occurs              to you

Let me know          if                it's         instilled            in you

While I'm ripping               any        one of                these  ver-       ses       that                    versus you
 when I’m wreckin’          every    one of                you   ‘til            your screw’s loose   and you re-fuse

It's       curtains,                     I'm inadver      tently                     hurtin' you

to     re-queue.                   From now on you’re going downhill, it’s true

How many          verses               I gotta      murder        to

Your fate           only              shapes as I    will it,    move!

Prove that if you                        were   half      as nice,

you drilled into tilt so hard, 

your       songs                  you could sacrifice                   vir-    gins to

need your trash milled in landfills, fools,
 UNGH!

UNGH!

School flunky, pill junky

Shroom junky, code clunky, 

But look   at         the          accolades                       these skills         brung me

But look   how     these      instakills                          just keep           coming

Full of myself,               but still hungry

Fed a  buffet,                but still hungry

I bully myself             'cause I make me do       what      I      put my mind            to

I’ll blind myself!        ‘cause it’s so easy             to                 o-   ver-come          you

When I'm a         million leagues above you

When I'm a         million leagues above you

Ill         when   I   speak     in      tongues

Dil-      i-                gent-     ly      stuck                    to,

But it's        still tongue-and-cheek, fuck you

                     Fill ing  each role, broke through

I'm drunk      so Satan       take the fu    -cking         wheel

Metas             no other    cham-pi-on      has            seen

I'm asleep             in the         front seat

You new-bie,         I’m a         new breed

Bumping        Heavy D                 and the Boys

Evolved          and surpassed      all the noise 

                   "Still            chunky,             but funky"

O                  G,              but up               and coming

But in my head there's something

I'm the end boss and hear something's

I can       feel      tugging and struggling

Entered my       dungeon and struggling

An-           gels                           fight         with          de-             vils                            and

They're    tryn               to           5                v              1              me             so               I'm

Here's                                              what             they                want                  from              me

Mid                     sup                           A                  D                        C                     jung            -ling

They're asking me               to elimiNATE                             some of the women HATE

They're attempting             to elimiNATE       me,               but they're taking the BAIT

But if you TAKE                       into       considerATion                   the bitter          HATred              I had

as they painSTAK-                 ingly      search the locATion,         laughter     PLAYS  in           their ears

Then you          may be a               little        patient                 and

as I                   STAY,  LAY  in         WAIT to flank ‘em 

more sym-   pa-         the-     tic                    to          the     sit-u-            ATion

play with such patience,    and then   ACE their negation

And understand the           discrimiNAtion

A singlehanded deciMAtion 

But         fuck it

That's     gotta             sting.

Life's handing you lemons

I’m more than a rodent

Make lemonade then

I’m omnipotent

But if I can't batter the women

But if you really think I’m Satan

How the fuck am I s’posed to bake them a cake then?

How did I make the key to your gate then?

Don't mistake     him for Satan

Well here’s your damnation

It's a fatal mistake if you think I need to be overseas

It's a fatal mistake if you think I need to play melee tank

And     take      a           va-   ca-      tion              to    trip     a broad

             I            take    their place and             my teams applaud  

          And make her                fall on    her face        and

I         can make you    free     fall in     the ranks,     so

Don't be a retard.   Be a king? Think not

Don't be a bronze.  Be a tank? Think not

Why be a king when you can be a God?

Why be a tank when you can be a God?