"So just call me "grandma." It's practically my name! So even when I was young I was an Oldbag, but not really that was just my name dearie. Still how the other children would make fun of me and just because of my name can you believe it? But there was this boy, the captain of the chess club in junior high, and whene called me an old bag well I just cried and cried because I had a crush on him you see--

Sing a bit of "Ladies Who Lunch" from "Company"

And here's to the girls who just watch—

Aren't they the best?

When they get depressed,

It's a bottle of Scotch,

Plus a little jest.

Another chance to disapprove,

Another brilliant zinger,

Another reason not to move,

Another vodka stinger.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!

I'll drink to that.