You've got the correct inflection as well as actual tone of the character, but again it is very quiet. If your able to fix this you have certainly made the role :)
Voice Actor
Rarity is an incredibly posh woman, believing that a lady should be at the highest of social statuses, and makes sure everyone knows where she stands on it. She is nice until she feels someone insults her, and often will put her status above almost everything other then her friends. She has a very high pitch voice and often is associated with whining,
"Excuse me!" Came a sharp voice from the back. "We are not 'horses', we are ponies, and you'll do well to call us as such."
