For criticism I'll say two things primarily, first, you have a major echo you may want to look into sound treatment for the room, I recommend even throwing a blanket over you and the mic when recording it'd be cheap and fairly effective. Secondly, give him a character! If you haven't watched the show and don't know his personality that's fine, but we need to know you can act! Get into the character and do your best to give some cheerfulness to the read. Of course, a better microphone would help too so I recommend re-auditioning when you have the chance if you can fix the audio issues