Because you read the project description, I will give you feedback on your audition.

Starting your slate with an "umm" makes you look like you're not confident.

Your performance sounds more like you're just reading without making any choices and consideration for why you're saying the lines. You need to make a choice with the character's purpose, objective, action, etc.

The pleading at the end is not a good look and again sounds a lack of confidence. When submitting your audition, give a confident slate and a strong performance where you gave it your best effort. That's it, don't add on anything else.