You have a good voice(you kind of sound like J.K. Simmons) and I appreciate you slatting since that makes you 80% better than the rest of the people who submit auditions and didn't follow directions. However, your performance is rather flat. It's lacking in choice and direction. Like the first line sounds more like a prank call than someone who is panicking and is urgently seeking help.

Also you want to have the slate and then the performance, everything else is extraneous and unnecessary. You want your submitted audition to showcase you best work because in the professional world you won't get a second chance when a casting director is looking through dozens of other auditions.