Since you asked for feedback.
Cut out the unnecessary mumbling at the beginning. Casting directors only care about the lines you have to perform.
Acting fundamentals - think about the character's purpose, objective, his relationships, etc - it will help make you sound less like you're reading the lines and coming off as flat and directionless.
Thanks for taking the time to listen and give such detailed feedback. A lot of what you said is valid, especially about getting into the lines more quickly and putting more thought into the character I'm portraying. I always get nervous the moment the mic is recording I'll get so focused on preforming I fall flat. I'll definitely keep that in mind as I work on current and future projects. I really appreciate it.
Being nervous when you're performing is what a teacher of mine calls "unfinished thinking", which can impair performance. Good acting is creating the character’s psyche, allowing it to manifest itself through the actor’s body and voice, in front of an audience or camera crew without the actor’s unfinished thinking getting the way.
Thank you again, really. I appreciate the critical yet constructive criticism I can definitely learn from this. I know I have work to do to engross myself in this whole VA world to be contributing member of it. I will take measures to really envision not only my voice and act of the character I'm attempting to emulate but the artists vision as well.
You're welcome. That is general acting advice not voice acting. An acting class would be more beneficial over voice acting.
