Yugioh GX Abridged
Viridian Vet for Bastion Misawa
Abridged Bastion is a walking calculator whose primary function is to over-analyze everything to the point of absurdity. He is convinced he is Jaden's main rival, a belief shared by literally no one else, least of all Jaden. His greatest and most terrifying enemy isn't a Shadow Rider or a Sacred Beast; it's the script itself, which he is painfully aware is slowly writing him out of the show.
The Insufferable "Well, Actually..." Guy: Bastion cannot let any statement, no matter how trivial, go uncorrected. He is physically compelled to inject complex scientific and mathematical jargon into every conversation, leaving everyone around him more confused and annoyed. He doesn't have conversations; he gives unsolicited lectures.
The One-Sided Rival: Bastion has dedicated his life to analyzing Jaden Yuki. He has six carefully constructed decks specifically designed to counter Jaden's strategies. He has flowcharts, pie charts, and a detailed thesis on the subject. Jaden, in return, is not entirely sure what Bastion's name is.
I want his voice to sound like a smug, slightly nasal audiobook narrator who is constantly on the verge of a panic attack.
Tone: His default tone is condescending and overly articulate, as if he's explaining quantum physics to a toddler. He enunciates every syllable with smug precision.
Pitch: A steady, mid-range tenor.
Delivery: He speaks in a very deliberate, almost robotic cadence when explaining his calculations. However, this should immediately break down into a faster, more desperate, and panicked monologue whenever he discusses his rivalry with Jaden or his fading relevance in the show. The contrast between his composed "genius" voice and his frantic "meta-aware" voice is the core of the comedy.
Well, actually, Jaden, your so-called ‘strategy’ is statistically unsound. According to my calculations—cross-referenced with six separate flowcharts and a pie chart I laminated for the occasion—you have precisely a 3.7% chance of victory. Which, coincidentally, is the same percentage of this show’s writers who remember I exist.
You may laugh now, Jaden, but I have constructed not one, not two, but six meticulously engineered decks designed specifically to counter your every move! …And yet, somehow, you still don’t know my name, do you? You think I’m… what, ‘Baxter’? ‘Benson’? I AM YOUR RIVAL, JADEN! ACKNOWLEDGE ME!
(voice cracks between smugness and panic) Jaden Yuki, you are my eternal nemesis! My white whale! My… my… oh, who am I kidding? You’re the protagonist, I’m the footnote. I’m not even a rival—I’m a statistic! A walking, talking, soon-to-be-deleted statistic!
