Something I liked immediately off the bat, good pace and nice usage of stopping to take good large breaths. Wanna highlight that as a great start. When you took a breath in the middle of a phrase you pulled back to tackle the whole sentence again which is very good mistake correction. Something we do want to be keen on is doing that same process when we have a slip up during the read as well. Flubbing a word, stumbling during a sentence, or missing a word are mistakes we want to stop our reads for and back up and try again.

Another thing to keep in mind is our physical spacing and relation to our mic. A couple of times through the read we had a few bumps and bangs that we would want to scrub out and retake.

Related to breathing, we took some nice large breaths but those big breaths sometimes ran a bit too close to the pickup of the read. After a good big breath we want to leave a bit of a space so that the breath doesn't run into the read itself an muddle the delivery at all.

Projection wise you were at a good 4.5/10 a comfortable conversation in like a meeting room level of volume. We want you at a level to give an assembly speech in a gym without a mic! Use that air from those big deep breaths! Push Push PUSH! I know you have that air in ya, I can hear those breaths! Let's try and get you up to at least a good 6/10 for a script like this! Use that diaphragm, push out good large columns of air, and project it out to that crowd!

Great read here Brugandy, I like where you're going and can't wait to hear more!