The read feels fairly stilted in the beginning, and there’s a bit of a habit of trying to attack the beginning of words, specifically, try to mix up when you’re going to attack the words. THere’s a bit of some tongue tied when you’re saying “magnificient Mary Nillimore”, and there are points where you are trying to focus on the pronunciation. Before I read a script, especially if there are some wordy and tongue tiedness coming in, I separate it, and try to say it as natural as possible. 

Good pronunciation on Nasturtium and Carotenoid Lutein! 

I feel like this was fairly safe at points, there are some change ups here, and it does sound fairly conversational, there are points where it could all flow better, but I can tell that it’s moreso as a focus on pronunciation, but now let’s try our best now to go for something more emotional, allow yourself to let some more emotion get into the read. There are hints of the emotion, we just need to let it heard more apparently. Allow yourself to take more risks when it comes to this. 

I want to point out that you were very happy when it came to talking about her food, especially the sweets, and that’s really good! But all in all, this feels fairly sweet, and I’d like to see a different emotion when it comes to this, to really see some changeups emotionally. Combining emotions can really help you stand out here.