Good read!

For your audience description - how old are the children? What do they look like?  Are they paying attention or distracted? Who is your character telling them the story? How do the children dynamically respond to you as you make certain points? The more details you add to your imagined context the more real your performance will become. 

0:17 Mispronounced “Rennes”.  Don’t be afraid to look up how to pronounce words online if you aren’t familiar with them. Some great reference sources include Cambridge Dictionary (https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/), youglish.com, forvo.com and You Tube Videos among other places (there’s a lot of options out there). You can simply type in “How to pronounce [word]” in Google search and it should give you several references. Try to avoid the robot ones though.

0:19 Mispronounced “Reno”.

0:39 “Relentlessly” was not fully pronounced.

Nice energy in the storytelling for the children. :) It sounds like you were using an accent, be careful about falling out of the accent as you record - there were a couple places the accent fell off a little. The more you practice the easier it becomes to maintain. 

Love the change-up you did for the tongue twister in your choice of voice and character!

Mispronounced “crooked”.

Nice genuine laugh at the end - shows you were having fun with it! Casting directors like to hear people having fun with a script! 

Nicely done overall! Keep up the good work!