"Are you tired of being defenseless when Shockbot armies are knocking at your door? Are you sick of being forced to run like a little sissy when confronted with hordes of the restless dead? Then fear no more! For the first time ever, purchase your very own Cannot (TM). Cannot is every homeowner's best friend! This tiny cannon on treads is perfect for all your home protection needs, with his ability to fire explosive cannonballs and drop homing mines! Whether you're fighting off Shockbots or just door-to-door salesman, Cannot definitely can not and WILL not fail!"

Cannot's voice is very young-sounding, but also robotic. Think somewhere along the lines of the Battle Droids from the Star Wars movies.

NOTE: Feel free to add some robotic voice effects.