Great story being told here, I love the choice that you made when the word “depressed” the only thing that can really sweeten up this deal is for you to have a bit more smile, I love the whimsy and smile you have, but there’s hints of it. But you’re changing things as you read throughout this, so good stuff when it comes to the application of changeups! 

But we just gotta work more on those lists as when you name the animals that Peter drew, keep those change ups going, including not just what you’re listing, but the entire sentence, as I find that you’re pronouncing “He drew” very consistently, so be careful for that! 

Gotta be a little bit more careful on your T’s and D’s on the ending of words, as it’s on the borderlines of sounding like one another as opposed to a clear different between the two. 

Very fun read, felt like an audiobook, but we just gotta work on some details and we’ll be solid.