The projection could use some work, Remember that the goal was to speak to a gymnasium full of people and your microphone was not working. This level of projection is good for someone close to you physically as in the more liteeral sense, just not what we’re looking for at this moment here. 

There’s a lack of a smile towards the beginning in your read, which causes the read to sound a bit bored, and sometimes we’ll be reading things that may not interest us, but that’s why we have the importance of having a smile when it comes out, and it reflects in the latter half of your read, as it comes off as super warm and super fun! Having that smile from the start and a big one too, is apparent in your read, we can hear it at the end of the day.

While I understand that we're trying tto go for the commercial style read, but when you speed up, you tend to lose the listener/audience. Think of when we listen to commercials ike this, we tend to not pay too much attention during that part of the ads. 

Don't be afraid to change up how you appoach each sentence when the script tends to repeat itself, as the repition might cause it to sound a bit unnatural and not so conversational which is what we want when it comes to reads like this. 

One thing I do want you to take away is the genuine smile you really do have, it has such a welcoming tone to it, that it makes the listener want to keep listening to you speak. 

Keep practicing out there, and can't wait to see how this class impacts you during your journey!