This is an awesome first take! You did awesome with the projection on this and it's super cool seeing your process and how you deal with mistakes. I definitely think with another take or two you could perfect this one!

Good projection to start us off! Just asking for a little bit more! You’re at a 7 when I’m looking for an 8. 

There is a lot of unfamiliarity with this script, which you do admit that this is the first time that you read the script, one of the best tips I can give you is that before you hit record, you are allowed to read the script prior to it. We ask you to do it in one take but not your first take, but that’s okay! A lot of people do this on the first try. 

A lot of words are missing throughout this read, again going with the unfamiliarity with the script. Good recovery at the end of the script, when you flub, just restart from the beginning of the line, or if needed the beginning of the paragraph. 

Your breath control and your pronunciation is good, we just have to allow ourselves to get into the habit of being familiar with the script, but for your first take, despite the ending, was pretty good! Just gotta work on reading the line ahead, but again with more practice you’ll see the improvements in no time!