First Impressions: I commend you for putting in extra time to provide two different takes! You have such a warm and soft natural voice that makes the listener feel comfortable and relaxed. There is a slight “fry” to your speech that gives you a casual sound. You have a comfortable pace that stays consistent throughout your read. It doesn’t feel rushed, and this consistency contributes to a crisp and clear form of articulation. 

0:11 There is a bit of an odd rest/hesitancy here between “making” and “animal”. You follow this odd pause with a very quick finish of the sentence, which makes the rest sound unnatural and unintentional. If you find yourself taking a pause or hesitating for any reason, stop, recover, and reread the line to correct these unnatural pauses.

0:29 “Started” is blurred a little here, resulting in the word sounding more like “Serted”

0:35 Said “Perpitiated” instead of “Propitiated”. The pronunciation was so close with this one! (this word has caught a lot of people haha)  

0:51 Said “Realized he was having fun” instead of “Realized that he was having fun”. Keep a close eye on the script so you don’t accidentally skip words. This will be especially important for audiobook genres. 

0:58 Said “Ta bed” instead of “To bed”

1:24 Said “Whadee” instead of “What he”

Second Take: We definitely were looking for over-articulation, but not so to the extent that it would impact the natural sound of your speech. You pay very solid attention to your articulation and enunciation in this take. Be careful when articulating that you don’t let your voice/performance fall into a monotone state that becomes robotic. Emphasizing the articulation to such an extreme in this second take was a really great way to practice the skill of articulation!

Final Thoughts: Altogether your read was very well done with only a few fumbles to take note and  be aware of when you are performing scripts in the future. Nice work!