Excellent backstory/scene you have envisioned. However, I don’t hear a disillusioned military-like space ranger in the read. I also don’t hear much opinion or emotion in your read. It sounds a little like a story that the person had no involvement in and didn’t really care much about. How are the donors reacting as they listen to this speech? Are they feeling moved to donate and be generous with their funds? The audience’s reaction can affect the delivery/performance of the words.

I’d like for you to listen back through your read for the homework. I notice a lot of rhythm and repetition in the sounds such as downward inflections at the end and drawn out ends of words. These become patternistic and start to jump out to listeners and can detract from the message. Would you be able to comfortably listen to a pattern like this for a 30-minute speech? Even if speakers have a habit of patterns, generally, it’s not every line or every few words, so just be careful about falling into patterns in your voice acting. Make use of change-ups in emotion, inflection, pacing, volume, pitch, etc. Keep it interesting to listen to like you did with the tongue twister. Look for ways to keep it realistic in a setting like this. 

Great change-ups in pacing, inflection, emphasis and tone in the tongue twister. 

Keep up the great work!