You sounded really great in the beginning. Lots of emotion came through. I really liked the way you read this.

Well done! Overall, I feel like you did well with adding feeling to your read and putting heart and authenticity into it. To take it to the next level, think about the who, what, where, why, when, how of the scene to bring it to life even further. 

Who was the audience you were talking to in this read?

Your audio seems to be a little on the quiet side. You may want to raise the gain a little more so that your normal talking peaks are between -18 dB and -6dB and your yelling/loud talking falls between -9 dB and -3 dB.

0:04, 0:11, 0:46, 1:22, 1:32 read “miss” instead of “missus”. There is a difference between “Ms., Miss, and “Mrs.”. A small point, but important for differentiation. :)

0:09 added word “even”

0:40 read “make” instead of “bake”

1:00 “often I would eat” was kind of run together - you may want to slow down just a touch to be sure all of it is clearly spoken and easily understood

1:01 missed word “and”

1:08 read “that” instead of “this”

1:24 missed words “number of”

Nice reminiscent change-up to the positive for the last line of the script!

Don’t be afraid to practice reading the script a few or several times to become more familiar and comfortable with the script. And then, quality check it after recording. Compare what you recorded with what was written and look at the details - were any words changed, added or missed? The more you practice improving the quality of your reads and your skill in cold reading, the easier voice acting becomes and the less editing and/or pick-ups that will need to occur on the back end.

Nice work!

There's definitely potential here if you can project a bit more while maintaining the same emotional energy.