You had some good little changes in your tone and energy in certain places that gave a little variance which is great! Try to think about how you would naturally speak to someone and who you're speaking to exactly. Bringing realism to your performance makes a huge difference as we still want whatever we're performing to sound like its actually real. I don't hear a lot of projection going on so I want you to make sure you really use your diaphragm and push that voice out to fit the scenario of being in a gym with no mic. Take a big deep breath and fill up your lungs so that you have a bunch of air to use. I also want you to slow down quite a bit here. You're rushing through the words. When you rush like that it can cause a few things. Your audience may not be able to keep up with what you're saying which can cause them to get confused or unfocused. You want to find that nice balance and vary up your pacing so that there's more dynamics going on. Also speeding through can cause your words to get all jumbled and blend together and become unclear. Regardless of the voice, the character, etc we have to make sure that the clarity is there (Unless the performance calls for it). Also going too fast can cause you to make more mistakes. Mistakes are totally fine and we all do it, but by going a bit slower you give yourself more time to speak the words and to read ahead, which is something that gets easier over time the more you audition and read aloud and practice. When you do make a mistake, pause and take a moment to get yourself back into character and the scene and then restart from the sentence you're on. You don't have to quickly rush back in. Give yourself that moment and then later on you can edit out the dead space if needed. Keep up the good work!