There's a lot of words slurring together in this, so make sure you are really articulating and enunciating your words. We want to make sure that your words are nice and clear for the audience. The more you over articulate, the easier it'll get and eventually you won't have to even think about it, it'll just naturally become a thing.

I want to hear more dynamics and emotional changes in this as well as a lot more energy. You tend to stick within the same sorta tone throughout so it's more like you're reading the words as opposed to connecting to the scene, characters, audience. Don't be afraid to get playful and think of how you can make your take stand out amongst the others. If you don't sound connected or interested in the words you're speaking, then how will the audience absorb and take that? Just some things to think about. Keep up the good work!