I love the energy, I felt like buying.

Oooo I love the energy here! You got a quicker pace going on which definitely helps to match the energy and excitement needed, but I would either slow down a touch or vary up the pacing so that it's not all super fast at once. It was a little hard trying to keep up with what you were saying.

The zombie had me laughing pretty hard. I didn't expect it to be like that so I personally loved that so much! Haha!

At your hiccup, remember to restart from the beginning of the sentence versus continuing on just so it's easier to fix up post. (Homework of course it doesn't matter but for auditions and anything else)

Make sure you articulate those G's, D's, B's and K's.Because of the quick pace, the articulation got a bit lost. This was a great take overall so keep up the good work!