The main thing I want you to focus on is to slow down! You don't have to rush through this script. Take your time and find a natural pace that works for you. When you rush too fast, this can cause you to make mistakes more often, and lose out on articulation and your words slur and get jumbled. The audience will also have a harder time trying to catch up and focus on what you're saying, especially if this is the first time they ever hear it.

There was some hesitation going on, which I believe was from you rushing through the words. If this was a cold read, that makes sense because cold reading is a skill in itself, so if you aren't able to read ahead while performing the script, then it gets harder. But you can practice this script a few times before recording so you can get more familiar with the words and it'll give you a little confidence boost.

I can hear some energy from you which is really nice! I can also hear a little bit of projection which is a great start, but I want even more so that it fits being in a gym with no microphone. Keep working on your auditions, read out loud every day and do your breathing exercises. Keep up the good work!