You have a very soothing voice, I like it! I think maybe this needed a bit more of projection, other than that the reading and fluency arepretty on point (:

Your pacing is pretty fast, so I want you to slow down a bit. You don't want to rush with your words. That can contribute to making mistakes more, losing out on the clarity of your words, your audience may get overwhelmed and not be able to keep up, which can cause them to lose interest, and it'll make you lose your breath faster.

I'd like to hear a bit more energy or some changes. You have a pretty even pitch and tone the whole time which makes it sound more like you're reading word for word and not visualizing your scene, who you're speaking to, etc. Remember that the audience is relying on you to tell a story not only with the words and script, but the way you speak and play.

Smile! When you smile, your voice will naturally brighten up. Your voice right now sounds like you're focusing more on just reading things correctly, which isn't a bad thing starting out, but you can practice the script a few times before recording to familiarize yourself with the words and it will give you a confidence boost since you'll be more prepared. Overall, this is a great foundation to start with so keep up the good work!