Your pacing was a little slow with some bigger spaces between every word. Increase your speed slightly or vary up your speeds in different moments depending on the emotion or context of the words that you feel fits. You want the flow to feel really natural, even if it is a commercial type of read. Have fun with it!

You were lacking in the projection. There were some spots where you increase your volume when emphasizing certain words and there was a bit of projection there, but overall you want your voice to project to fit the scenario of being in a gymnasium with no microphone and you need your voice to reach every part of the room. Use your diaphragm, take a big deep breath, sit or stand up straight and let your voice carry.

I like the energy and the tone you were giving! You sounded really fun and friendly and had a smile going on which was really nice. Keep working on your breathing exercises and practice your projection! Good job!