Nice pacing! It felt very "friendly salesman" of you, although at times it did feel a little too rhythmic? I really liked it when you changed up your inflection a little to give it more life! Great job overall!

Make sure you are really projecting! We want your voice to carry as if you are in a gym and you need someone to hear from you on the other end without a mic. Really visualize yourself and let the voice carry.

Very nice clarity and articulation with your words! You have a nice clear voice which is very important!

"Come on in, come on in..." I love the chuckle added in here. It made this read more natural and brought a bit of your personality into it which is great. You have a nice, friendly tone which is great for this sorta read.

Continue working on your breathing exercises so that you can build on your breath control. This will help you power through more words without having to take those micro breaths between words and causing your flow to break. Overall, great job!