Very clear and pleasant to listen!

We're missing the projection in this. You want your voice to carry as if you're in a gymnasium with no microphone. Really engage with your diaphragm and push your words out.

You had some bigger pauses in between sentences that are a bit too long, which can cause the audience to slightly lose interest and get bored, so tightening those up and finding different spots that make more sense to take a big deep breath would help. Some spots where you were taking a breath felt a little off, but with practice you'll get a better flow!

The second half felt a bit more natural versus the first half and more conversational. We want to be as authentic and real as possible versus going into a "commercial" sound.

Your articulation and speech is very clear so that's very nice! I understood everything you were saying. Keep up the good work!