I think you did a great amount of pronunciation! Everything sounded very clear! I noticed there was a bit of space between each line, but saying it in bigger chunks will make it sound more natural. I also noticed a blooper was left in at 00:45 so just make sure to listen to it all before submitting :) other than that, it sounded great!

Very happy to hear you taking in big breaths! For this script, I'd say to slow down a bit just so you can really articulate your words more. Watch out with mixing those T and D sounds like in words like Peter, little, jotting, etc. Usually its the words that have the T's in the middle of them that people get a bit lazy and give it a D, but thats why doing tongue twisters and practicing this script is perfect to get yourself accustomed to over articulating. Eventually, you naturally wont have to think about it and it'll just happen on its own, so keep working on tongue twisters and reading aloud everyday.

Nice job with restarting where you made a mistake! I'd say if you practice this script, start out slow and work on trying to decrease those long pauses so that you dont break up the flow too much. The long pauses can make the audience have a harder time bouncing in and out of the performance. Keep up the good work!