Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to "Rock of Ages" I'm [INSERT  NAME OF ROCKER HERE] and I invite you to an evening of musical debauchery and decadence. And just a reminder that flash photography and recording devices is strictly prohibited. Unless, of course, you are really really hot and willing to show us your breast. Furthermore, all cellphones should be turned off, text messaging during the show makes you look like a douchebag, and if you have those "blue tooth" things in your ear....please, come on. you look like a dick. Oh yes, and lastly, in case of fire, please refrain from singing Def Leppard's "Pyromania" as we couldn't get the rights to any of their music. Thank you and enjoy having your face melted.