You did great and the ability to pin point the points of focus in future is spot on! You got this

I liked the passion you were bringing with your read! One thing I would like you to work on more is your breath control. There were times throughout when your voice would fade at the end of the sentences because you ran out of breath and moments where you had to stop in between a word in the sentence to catch your breath. Keep practicing your breathing exercises to build up your breath stamina, especially for energetic scripts like this one! Don't lose out on your articulation and lose the clarity in your read. You want to make sure the audience can clearly understand you. I actually think your pacing is fine for this, but I do agree there are moments where you're quiet. Once you can get your breath control down then it'll be a lot easier for you to push out that energy, articulation, and everything else! Great job!