Let's amp up the energy! Your projection is a bit on the low side, aiming for an 8 but currently hitting around a 4. Let's push that volume and really make those words pop. Also, it felt a bit too much like a read—I'd suggest injecting some more conversational elements into it. Think about how we naturally talk in our day-to-day lives: varying our pacing, volume, and tone to keep things engaging. You actually did this really well when you said "millage may vary" and towards the end of the script.

Some words weren't coming through as clearly, like "pocket pencil sharpener," but we can easily fix that by slowing down a bit. Remember, you have all the time you need with the script. Overall, this is a solid start, and with a bit of work on projection and making it more conversational, it'll really shine. Keep up the great work!