Eternal Thorns Otome VN: VA Casting
tuxedoaugust for Achille Pavone
Name: Achille Pavone
Name pronunciation: Uh-keel-ey/Pah-voe-nay
Age: 35
Species: Human
Description: Bastard child of the Pavone family with a deep-seated ego problem. He is the
eldest son of the family, yet his younger brother was chosen to be the heir. Works as a merchant
in Lorenzo’s merchant guild.
Traits:
- Values his reputation
- Tries to keep up a very dignified front
- Good at manipulating situations to benefit himself
- english
- male adult
“Do you have the time?”
“Signore, it would be my pleasure to assist your respectable investigation.”
“My dear brother just had to take my birthright... and I’ve waited a long time to steal it back.”
It's solid, but safe! You have some variation, but you're not letting the words marinate for a (subtle) dramatic effect. (Especially the second and third line!) I'd say it needs some creative expression/"personality"--meaning creatively and subtly portraying the traits listed and also emphasizing certain key words!
Thank you so much for the feedback! Should I take another crack at it?