All great noticings to be paying attention to. Overall, we have a positive and well paced presentation. Sure, we get breathy, and some diction challenges occur, but we have a strong delivery here. At this stage, do the prep/rehearsals and the critical listening you're doing to pay attention... and then perform the take: talking TO a real person you can imagine, and trying to connect with them. It's often very hard, but it starts to come more and more easily.