Glad you're listening for the pacing. Important consideration. I don't think you're too fast. The ad is likely a 30s spot. You'd need to trim 5s in speed in the next few takes in session. You're well focussed on the technical delivery; attn to diction, pacing, breathing. Don't forget to allow the you in your brand to also get to shine. If YOU were saying this TO someone, that'd be a great way to make it feel important and FOR us, so that wed connect and want to know more.