Your delivery is generally good, but there are a few areas to work on. One noticeable issue is the frequency of microbreaths. Instead of taking these short breaths, aim to take deeper breaths using your diaphragm and control your breath throughout the sentence. Daily exercises like doggy pants can help improve your breath control. Additionally, focus on projecting your voice with enthusiasm and energy. This script is about selling a product, so you want to convey your excitement to the audience. Speak confidently and ensure that your voice carries well throughout the performance.