You did well with moving through each mistake without becoming flustered. With the delivery, it sounds more like you’re reading word for word and lacking that sort of goal of what you’re wanting your audience to take away from this. Vary up things like emphasis, pitch, volume, emotion and pacing and think about the scenario itself. You don’t want to stay stuck in the same tone throughout causing it to sound static. Make sure to enunciate the whole word so that they don’t bleed into each other as you speak.