Hey Vincent - you brought me in immediately - I like that you don't totally stay in the same place. you ALMOST stay in the same choice after the first few lines though - so you had a great base but then it all just kept going on the same - loved the BRAVADO - you have a great base of instinct to work with - right now you're just launching into one pace. You have some nice range of story/emotions in here. - loved when you laughed, but if you would change up your speeds once in a while - it will come together even nicer. The end was a great effort on the crying but felt a bit dramatized. you could have afforded to slow down on that end and make it more about trying NOT to cry, but not able to hold back - that is many times more effective. I know I could direct you to where I want you to go, but over time you will just get there naturally, and I look forward to hearing your growth.