Hey Lea - omg you are actually so cute - I know you are not meaning to be - I know you genuinely gave me some emotion and really worked to feel this scene. What happened though is you made some good choices, but you pushed them on us. You are high pitched and almost piercing as you yell at them with a bit of a whine - no disrespect for the choices - cause you are genuinely trying to get there but you are trying TOO hard so it's coming across more begging and that takes us out of the organic. This just needs more dynamics. Loud one sec, quieter the next. To self for a moment, to them the next. Faster, slower, and it needs to feel like you are reacting to them as well. Are they talking back? Are you giving them any time to? Or are you just RAMPING THE CONVERSATION without any chance for them to listen and respond. Imagine ALWAYS a two way conversation. thank you for going the extra mile. I know you worked hard at this and it shows, but it just shows that you made great choices, but they are just too over the top or pushed. You could have made those same choices and internalized it (or not yelled it as much) and I think it would have been more effective. Love what you're willing to give. Lots to work with