Hey james - so much personality. You have such fun character in your voice naturally. I think that this is decent and I know you are really working at meaning your words. It has some nice moments but you yell most of it out in the beginning. That's a good choice but not ALL the way through the beginning. Is she reacting? Is there a conversation here or are you just rambling? We usually want to create conversation - even though we don't know what they are saying or how they are reacting - but imagine it. Love that you took it down but then that kind of stayed in teh same place as well however I loved it. It was nice and organic. so I liked your second half but under some direction mixing this up a bit more would be the perfect balance. good passion here