Im nothing if not honest, this isnt very good. Your mic is low quality, clipping, and youre straining your voice. Id for one think about lowering your mic gain when recording so it doesnt do that. As for the strained voice, its obvious your going for something out of your register. I would try taking it down an octave and see what you can do there.

I’m nothing if not honest as well. If you are to be a director, refrain from letting the performer down harshly. “This isn’t very good”. Doesn’t help, so leave that out. Instead, make suggestions, for example, controlling gain is good to mention. If you don’t like the audition you could also just move on. Remember…. This is FREE. Expect less. this is for fun. If you want professional, you’ve gotta pay for it. I will take your 1 suggestion of lowering my gain. I will also not be auditioning for you again. It seems that your naivety would be difficult to work with. I hope this helps with your future auditions so you can be a better creator and nicer in your comments.