Horror Spoof Episode

"Ah, great. Looking down the dark and dreary hallway, I see. Absolutely NOTHING is going to go wrong."
(Sarcastic) "Oh noo! A murderer!"
"Real nifty that the murderer doesn't run, huh?"
(Spooky ghost voice) "And then, as soon as she had turned around, she saw-uh-BLOOD-yes, GALLONS OF BLOOD OoOOOoOo!!!"

Confusing and Nonsensical Episode

(Talk to yourself in slightly different voices, as if you're two different characters)
"Why, hello there, narrator."
(Flirty) "Hello~"
"Do you want me to narrate something for you?"
"Oh, sweet narrator, why would I ask you to do something for me when I already do it myself?"
"Oh, I don't know. Why does a microphone get plugged in? A script written? Because everything goes to plan."
"I thought the whole thing was that this wasn't written?"
"Shut up, stop being meta you'll ruin everything!"
"Hey aren't our voices similar?"
"We're the same person why can't I shut up!?"
(Moment of silence)
"And at this the narrator realized that he/she/they'd gone crazy."

Give me your best ad lib, starting with line:

"This purple goo is all over me!"

Pretend you are on an alien planet, or abandoned mineshaft, deep forest, etc.