You Don’t Know Jack fangame - Salty Trivia with Candy Barre
Baldrick Griswald for Candy Barre
Kanade Urushimakka, performing as Candy Barre, is a stand-up comedian and garage band guitarist of Japanese-American descent. She was hired to play a part in a sitcom as a snarky, smart-alec roommate of the protagonist, and now she is hosting the titular game show. (Think Cookie Masterson from You Don’t Know Jack, but as a late-millennial woman.)
She first rose to popularity after attending an open mic night with her garage band called Bursting Heads, when the van that held their instruments got caught in a traffic jam and not make it to the venue in time. She filled the time by performing a stand-up routine ranting about the troubles she goes through every day as an Asian-American woman.
Being the main host of the game, she will have by far the most voice lines to record. (We have at least 150 questions written.) You will also have to be comfortable with swearing, a little bit of singing, making raunchy jokes, dumb puns, speaking some Japanese in a scene over the phone with Candy’s mother, and pronouncing words like “Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch” and “pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis”, not to mention some foreign words like “Dåtid”.
If no applications are submitted, her voice will be provided by the developer.
For context to the last audition line, please read this document.
[Trailer: Candy as Aya, a deadpan snarky college student in a sit-com.]
Candy: (sleepily) Guys, will you cut it out? It's 9:47 PM.
roommate: Come on, Aya, it’s Friday. What, do you have class tomorrow?
Candy: (deadpan) Do you have no class right now?[Trailer: Candy as herself, calling for the viewer to participate.]
Candy: Hey you! Yeah, the schmuck in front of the monitor. (jocularly) What have you got to lose?We’ll be right back after these messages. Not from our sponsors, but these thirsty guys trying to slide into my DMs. I gotta go block those real quick. See ya.
Welcome back to Salty Trivia. Remember me? I remember the first time we met like it was only yesterday. Let’s carry on to Round 2!
Candy: (slams the door open, shouting) What year is it?!
Miles: (happily) Candy! Good to see that you’re up and running again. (sternly) Now what did I tell you about caffeine-fueled all-nighters?
Candy: That I’m young enough to take them.
Miles: (briefly annoyed) That’s not—Nevermind, do you know how to pronounce this?
Candy: Oh, that? It’s Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.
Miles: Clan-vyre-what?
Candy: Llan-fair-pwll-gwyn-gyll-go-gery... [interrupted by Miles]
Miles: [tries to imitate syllable per syllable, but gives up] Screw this, read this question for me.
Candy: I mean, that’s what I’m hired to do anyway. Gimme the cue card. There. Okay. Ahem.
In what island in Wales is Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch?
Anglesey, Skomer, Cardigan, or St. Catherine’s?
