Well, I'm no Deb and I was only able to listen on mobile from now.... but I liked it. Pacing felt good. Definitely had some emotion. There was a part where you hit a quizzical not that I loved. One section towards the end felt repetitive? Like the energy stayed in one spot just a hair too long? But again... listening on my phone waiting for my car to be fixed. Lol!

Heyo Nathan! You're definitely right about the mouth noise, don't worry though, I get those too XD I still haven't figured out how to consistently get rid of it, but sometimes taking a drink of water while I rest for a moment, like a minute or so, then running my tongue between my lips and teeth to get the majority of the liquid out of there helps. Not always, and perhaps it's something else to that method that occasionally helps, but it's a suggestion at least. That's pretty impressive that the only cuts you needed to do was the before and after, but one thing I'd suggest in that realm is to not be afraid of cuts, as long as you take the time to sync it all together, most people won't even notice it wasn't a single take. I mean, I've got either 3 or 4 major cuts in my recording and only one is really noticeable, and I think that's just me noticing it cause I know it's there. And sometimes having a cut between helps to bring yourself out of one emotion so you can start building into another for the take you want. Gives you more wiggle room at least. As for your emoting, it feels like almost all throughout the recording you're about to start crying, or just simply sound worried/scared. Now I'm not a professional by any means, so take whatever I say with a grain of salt, but I think a bit more variety in emotion would do this some good work. And when it comes to the technical stuff, well I'm no expert, nor is my friend who I throw my stuff at XD Best that I can suggest though is playing around with your new mixer once you get the chance and fiddle with the buttons. I'd also suggest along with that to pull up a clip of a professional voice actor of your choosing's acting, be it a scene in a game with said character or something else, and try and listen closely to the quality of their audio to use as a reference point to try to get to. Me and my editor do that and while we've still got a ways to go, it has given us some improvements. I personally use clips of Joe Zieja's Claude from Fire Emblem Three Houses as I really really love the sound of his audio. All around though, this sounded lovely! Nice job!