OMG - thank you for giving me your ALL - wow. The only thing I would suggest here is that I LOVE the passion and intensity you gave this character and the scene. I love that he's gasping for breath - but not throughout. If you could have a moment or two of this throughout the entire script that would have been amazing but because it's throughout it doesn't breathe and it all stays in the same place throughout so you will lose interest of your audience as there is not much of a journey here - but wow - so much passion and loved that you gave me your all! Just make sure we layer it up so it's not all sitting at speed 100. If you stay super fast like this throughout your clarity gets compromised as well so keep that in mind

Energy is amazing! A few big pauses and maybe mixing your volume would send this over the top.