Not sure if this is too quiet or not; but here's another try
I like the little bit of improv you added; don't know if it's a thing I'll be having for the actual run, but it did spice up this retake for sure.
Ha Ha. Thanks; I mainly did that for fun, more or less. I think I'd stick more on-script if I were cast, though; I'm not sure how much elbow room I'd have for ad libbing in a project like this.
I'm probably going to keep it script-strict. Depends on how I space out the dialog boxes when I record the footage, but I wanna say not much, so...